beavertrap | open rp

[ This didn't feel real. None of it did.

They finally killed that fucking clown for real, and they had barely made it out alive. Eddie had been on death's door by the time they managed to rush him to the hospital, Richie barely able to see through the muck and blood on his cracked glasses. Or the tears in his eyes. The whole time he begged Eddie to stay with him, with them. He couldn't leave after being such a big damn hero.

They had lost Stan without any chance to help him or say goodbye, they couldn't lose another fucking Loser.

Richie thought he knew what pain was. Rejection and loneliness, the pain of hiding who he really was. Playing the "trashmouth" he was always so good at being. Getting what attention he could. It was all various levels of pain, some handled better than others with age. Derry, of course, brought all of these memories and then some back to the surface. There wasn't nearly enough alcohol to deal with any of it.

And then Richie discovered a pain that he has never known was possible. The boy he had fallen in love with, now a man he still loved, stabbed in front of him, tasting Eddie's blood after it sprayed onto his face. Pain that rain through his own blood, into his limbs and bones once the shock wore off.

Eddie couldn't just die like that. This couldn't be the end for them.

He couldn't just leave him like this after they finally saw each other again.

He barely remembers how they got Eddie out of the house. He barely remembers arriving at the hospital. Just that his legs gave out and unable to get off of the floor as Bill and Mike tried to explain what happened. Bev and Ben kept trying to keep him from passing out right there. All he could do was silently pray to whatever deity would help make this miracle a real thing, hands splayed flat against the hard floor, the coolness of it a vaguely calming sensation while he felt like he was dying.

Eddie had been rushed into surgery, the rest of them there in the emergency room covered in shit, blood, and God knows what else. All of them stayed in the emergency room like that, huddled together, until they heard Eddie was out of surgery. Though Richie hadn't been awake to hear the initial announcement.

He doesn't remember being given the sedative. Just that when he woke up, the fear had returned in full force until he was told Eddie was alive. He was in ICU, but it was possible he would make a recovery. Richie had wept openly at the news, letting the other Losers hold him, so he wouldn't go onto the floor again.

Weeks passed, and Eds was finally in a room of his own, Richie spending more time there than Eddie's wife. No one had called her. She came on her own and sounded too much like Eddie's mom, threatening them with lawsuits. Richie clenched his jaw shut and refused to look at her. For once in his life, he kept his mouth shut.

All that mattered was Eds waking up again. If he could just be given that, he'd... let the other shit go. It was a familiar ache that he had to swallow down, once again willing to let that love go if it was easier for the other man. He couldn't just come back and wreck his whole life because they suddenly remembered they were friends. And Richie had a secret he had never told anyone else. No matter how badly he wanted it this time...

The other Losers were out getting lunch to bring back, Bev outside getting a smoke and Eddie's wife - he didn't even bother remembering her name, as petty as it was (and he knew it was) - was back at some hotel. He was sitting on the toilet lid in the bathroom, hands rubbing up and down his face, the exhaustion of so many nights of sleeping in a chair catching up with him more and more. He needed to keep taking these private moments for himself, trying not to break down crying again.

Coming back out of said bathroom, Richie didn't expect to be greeted with seeing those big brown eyes open again. ]

Edited 2021-08-26 09:28 (UTC)

[Funny how one's nightmares and fears can come full circle. For twenty-seven years Eddie had lived a pretty empty, miserable life. Had his life really changed that much since his childhood? It was never exactly fair, it treated him like worthless shit. He had forgotten about his childhood home, his band of losers and that fucking clown that had tormented them all. He didn't want to return to Derry regardless of the stupid promise he made as a kid.

But then he reunited with his best friends and nothing else mattered. For a moment there was this overwhelming feeling of being accepted, wanted and loved. There was also Richie, secretly the person he missed most of all. Perhaps that is why he acted with hardly any hesitation and second thought in spearing the damn spider mutant. The horrendous monster had attacked Richie with the deadly deadlights and Eddie was overcome with pure panic. He wasn't about to let that thing steal his best friend away from him, so Eddie acted on pure impulse.

The pain of being impaled was excruciating, numbing and the feeling alone had left Eddie's body ablaze. The events that occurred after were all hazy, a blur. He has no memory of how he got out of that damn house or arriving to the hospital, it was all black.

He remembers the horrified look on Richie's handsome face the very second he was struck, how Richie's trembling hands felt while cupping his cheeks and swearing that everything was going to be fine.

They were going to be fine.

There had been so much he had wanted to say, needed to say but it was so difficult to breath that alone form words that made sense once struggling to live became almost impossible. He blacked out, no memory of that either.. While in surgery he could experience hearing voices all around him, the feeling of burning lights upon his body and then he flat lined.

By the miracle of some greater being he was brought back to this world.

The room was bright once he finally came to, filled with the soft noises of beeps and low buzzes from the machines he was currently hooked up to. Panic washed over him instantly as he struggled to sit up, hands fisting to rip out his IV and that stupid thing they stick up your nose.

Where was he? Where were the other losers? Was Richie safe?

More bursts of panic until he hears the bathroom door open and those weak, large brown eyes fall upon the very person he's been looking for.]

R-Rich?

Edited 2021-08-29 20:02 (UTC)

[ Richie is frozen to the spot, leaning against the door frame of the bathroom heavily for a moment. He wills his legs to move and not give out again. Doesn't help he's been more or less living in this damn room for weeks now, his five o'clock shadow becoming more aggressive as time went on. Bags under his eyes, eyes themselves red from random, continuous bouts of crying (much to his annoyance). He's had showers, but that still doesn't take away from his near haggard appearance.

Pushing off from the door frame finally, he reaches for Eddie's hands. His eyes don't meet Eddie's, they just close and he somehow feels even more exhausted than when he was stressed and waiting. ]

Stop fucking with those, dumbass. You need 'em in you.

[ His hands grasp the other man's, and he just holds them. His eyes don't meet Eddie's. The just close and he breathes out a long breath, suddenly feeling more exhausted than he had when still stressed and waiting. ]

About damn time you woke up.

Edited 2021-08-30 21:11 (UTC)

[Can a person actually feel like death itself? If so that is exactly what Eddie feels like. His skin is a dull greyish color due to the state of his health, his whole body aches with each breath he takes and his mind is foggy thanks all the heavy medication being pumped through his veins. In other words he doesn't look much better himself, Richie. He wants to sit up fully, hell he even tried but the condition of his weaken body presents him from doing so. He feels nauseated, drowsy and even though he's finally awake he could sleep for another several months.

He's forced to let his head fall back against the pillows but not once does his eyes leave Richie, terrified that this all could be a dream and that Richie will vanish within seconds.

The way Richie embraces his hands leaves Eddie's fingertips tingling and he laces their fingers together with a trembling grip. ]

S-shut up, dickwad. [His voice is horse, raw from where he has spent weeks in what they swore was a coma.. Just the few words uttered has his throat burning, the discomfort written on his face.

Suddenly all the panic comes rushing back and fingers move to dig at more medical equipment.]

W-where are we? [His eyes dart around frantically while making another attempt to sit up.]

Where is the fucking clown?

[ And Richie is there to keep as firm a grip on Eddie's hands as he can. He understands; they all do. They know that fucker is dead and yet the trauma of all that shit doesn't go away so easily, does it? ]

It's dead, Eds. I swear, okay? We killed the fucker. We killed it.

[ He has to repeat himself and say it sharply, hoping it'll get through as he does so. ]

We're still in Derry, and we haven't seen anything else after the house disappeared. Like the whole damn thing is gone. Nothing left.

[Richie's words sound foreign, as though he's speaking in tongues and nothing he's saying is registering in Eddie's mind. Was Pennywise truly dead this time round or was this just more wishful thinking? IT wasn't of this world, it could easily be reborn or worse.

But Eddie is tired, all the Losers are and Richie of all people wouldn't lie to him about the death of all their childhood trauma.]

G-gone?

[The desperation leaks into the hope of his question while those large eyes still swirl with both worry and slight fear. His hand grips a little tighter with Richie's and after a moment he closes his eyes.]

It's dead.

[Words spoken out loud because Eddie needs to hear it again, he needs to believe it.]

I-I want to leave, Richie. I don't want to be here anymore. [Killer clown or not, Derry was still fucking Derry.]

[ Richie nods in understanding, breathing out a heavy, tired sigh. The exhaustion wants to set deep in his bones but he doesn't sit down just yet. He gives Eddie's hand a squeeze, ]

I know. But you have to stay here for a little while longer, okay? We're not gonna leave you here alone. You're still healing, Eds. I don't want to risk it.

[ Quickly adding, ]

None of us do.

[ Which is true but still. That flash of panic he felt inside at realizing what he just said... Is he ever going to stop being such a chickenshit? ]

[Eddie's brain keeps screaming for him to just grab Richie's hand and run, despite that his body is in no shape of doing so. His willing to risk the pain and extra damage he would cause, he doesn't want to be held in this shit town any longer. He's suffered enough.

They all have.

He doesn't want to suffer through this nightmare any longer even if the fucking clown is finally dead. Just being in Derry makes him feel like his drowning, and the evil of the town just keeps pulling him under, deeper and deeper. He can feel the struggle to breathe the longer he's trapped here.]

Promise you won't leave me here?

[Eddie's voice quivers as he forces out the plea. Richie would never do such a cruel deed but their adult lives rest outside of this hell.]

I'll fucking kick your ass if you do.

[ Richie understands the desire to. He had seriously contemplated getting all the other Losers to agree to get him transferred to a hospital anywhere else if it were possible. But then his wife showed up, and he had to begrudgingly accept remaining here.

Though, truth be told, it didn't feel the same as it had before.

Or maybe that was just because Eddie had pulled through, and he wasn't going to lose the best thing he had in his life. It's what has him breathing out a weak laugh at the threat. ]

I'd like to see you try that, Eds. You'll be even more of a miracle case than you already are.

Don't fucking underestimate me, dickwad. [It's a gentle threat, one that is simply Eddie and always has been ever since they were children trapped in this hell town. Richie should be used to them by now, hell maybe this was their way of showing each other affection? Eddie still feels way to uneasy for his liking but any other choice would have led to him not making it.

He goes silent for a moment, his head falling to the side of his pillow as he bites back a bit of pain. This all still feels like a horrible nightmare, he's waiting for more horrible things to happen at any given second now.

But the hospital room is at ease and he has Richie. That's what is important, Richie.]

I'm glad you didn't get hurt.

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fix-it au @ eddiespaghetti

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sorry for my slowness! i'm still here for this!

No worries!!!

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aww that turtle

He cute and chillin.